Wednesday, March 25, 2009

emotionally interrupted...

if i haven’t felt so much for him, i won’t feel so uptight, fidgety and disappointed. just a line from him, a tone of voice, a hesitation to my request !! enough to make me go right into the boiler burning. voices in my mind started shouting, “he cares more about himself than you!” “you are the silly one who does so many things for him!” “purely your own one-sided attachment!” …
i told him i dont want to work on relationship. See! this is what happens! the more you are attached to a person, the more your whole life and emotions are manoeurved by the moods and whims of that person. unstability of feelings is a state of suffering...!
So, a wise thing to do, is to do nothing. Just paying attention, and then DO NOTHING ! Get back to your own stuff. What arises will pass away. Contemplate on the suffering of this instability of the emotions, the uncontrollability…
then another softer voice says: but he is really focussed on what he is doing. you know that is his priority. he takes work very seriously. could you understand his priorities? and accept that’s his way of dealing with interruption?
"but this may not be true !"
and there really has a need for space. just like you. you already know he doesn’t have much space and privacy of his own. he's forced to do things which he might not feel like doing actually...
"i can’t hear this."
and other voices fight to be heard:
(the cynical, low self-esteem) i shouldn’t have done dat. maybe it is not legitimate for me to. i am not so significant enough to be granted wat i want from him.
but you know he has never thought of you as a troublesome nuisance to be around with. you already know that. and you know that if ever he needs to enforce limits, boundaries, rules.. that’s his way of managing his work. it is as objective as can be, and nothing personal against you.



Take a deep breath and just relax

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